When deciding to write about my story, I wondered where to start. Before all this happened to me I was just a mother, a mother in law and a grandmother. I worked in customer services for a well known company and life for me was good. I was happy that my children were all married and settled, with families of their own. I looked forward to their regulars visits and our family get-togethers. They were happy times.
And then just like that, it all changed. No one saw it coming, or maybe I did . Maybe I didn’t want to believe that my family was not perfect after all.
The marriage of one of my son’s broke down and that’s when the nightmare began. Couples break up often enough nowadays. I have have had friends over the years who have separated or divorced but their lives carried on as parents. These friends, although divorced or separated, helped and supported their children to cope with the separation. Children adapt as long as they know they have two parents who love them. With this knowledge children have more chance of remaining happy and secure despite their parents separating.
“How could I have known that once my son and daughter in law parted, that my son would be denied access to his own children.”
As sad as I was about the split between my son and his wife I thought they would co-parent and all our lives would go on. How wrong I was. How could I have known that once my son and daughter in law parted, that my son would be denied access to his own children. And then I in turn was also denied access to my own grandchildren. Not by the courts, but solely by their mother. I had done nothing wrong, why would she do this to me? Why would she do this to the children?
It is now almost two years since my son last saw his children and I my grandchildren. I cannot describe the pain of not having them in my life anymore. Or the pain of wondering how hurt and lost they might be feeling each and everyday wondering why they are no longer a part of their grandparents’ lives. Having lost the two people from their lives who they thought would love them and be there for them for the rest of our lives.
It has completely split my family. And the pain that I feel is unbearable. There is also the pain my son goes through every single day that he doesn’t see his children. I am a mother and grandmother, I should be able to protect my family. But I cannot do anything to help ease their pain.
“I cannot describe the emotional pain, it is like a pain inside of you that never goes away.”
I am struggling myself, some days just getting out of bed, getting dressed and going to work is so very hard. I cannot describe the emotional pain, it is like a pain inside of you that never goes away. I have dear friends who are kind and tell me it will all work out. I know they mean well and that they are just trying to help. However they do not really understand how hard it is to cope with every single day.
I have now found a website where people do understand. People like me who are going through the same pain. We are able to support each other, as we are all alienated parents, alienated grandparents and alienated aunts and uncles.
Parental alienation was not a term I was ever familiar with. That was until it actually happened to my family. You have no idea that such a form of abuse exists or is even unchallenged by authorities and services that you believe are there to protect children from such abuse.
“It is simply child abuse to deny a child contact with a loving parent or grandparent.”
Tragically I have found out that it does happen. And it continues to happen to thousands of parents and children worldwide, but why? Sadly their is no law passed yet to prevent this abuse. It is not even criminalised to help families or their children who are subjected to this kind of trauma by an abusive ex-partner. How can that be? It is simply child abuse to deny a child contact with a loving parent or grandparent or any other member of their family who they have a loving relationship with. So we, the alienated grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, must continue to fight on together for however long it takes to change this. My son and I will never ever give up the fight for his children. We will never give up the fight for my grandchildren.
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4 thoughts on “My Life, then Parental Alienation”
this is not right.
it is unacceptable.
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It is horrible and unexceptionable to keep a child from a loving parent, grandparent and/or other family member. I know first hand for I am the aunt of two beautiful children that our family, including dad, hadn’t seen in over 3 years! I blame our corrupt and broken court system. The judge that heard my brothers case several times has ignored the fact that his ex is intentionally keeping him and his children apart. How can their mother say she loves and cares about them when she’s destroyed them emotionally and mentally for the rest of their life’s. Yes I’m bitter, I can go on and on about how she’s lied and made up horror stories to the authorities in order to keep my brother from his own children. Those kids idolized him. He was their safe haven and now they’er stuck with a psycho narcissistic woman they have to call mom!
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so Sorry to hear you are going through this too . Its frustrating isn’t it that no one will listen and help these/ our children. there is no one to turn to , because yes the court system is corrupt and broken ,whatever they decide. they will tell you its in your childrens best interest , how can that be . and Yes the mother will lie not only to authorities friends , anyone who is prepared to listen to them . but they lie to the children too . they brain wash them into believing their other parent , doesn’t want them, doesn’t love them anymore , I cannot begin to imagine how that will make the child feel .or the damage it does to them, but these are the usual traits of these Narcistic people they have no morals no empathy . its all about them getting their way .they have to be in control they do not care about their children , they use them as weapons , not caring how much damage they are causing them ..they hate their ex..more than they love their children , and in doing so they destroy not only the children but whole familys . like you I am bitter and I am angry .angry that the courts seem not to care . that alienating a child from their other parent / grandparent / their family is child abuse , but we must all keep fighting for a change in the law . we must never give up .we all have to stay strong
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Yes I agree it is unfathomable that we are all being kept away from children, grand children, etc because you have to pay every time you want to fight against the system, a system that doesn’t listen in the first place, and is too lazy to place a child with anyone apart from the mother. The courts recognise physical abuse but not mental abuse, and certainly not parental alienation. we must fight and continue to make this a crime, as it already is, against childhood and basic humanity.