Apart from one hour spent with my youngest child at a Contact Centre six weeks ago, my ex-partner continues to prevent me from seeing my three children. I last had contact with all three of my children just over 8 months ago. The amount of money spent by both my ex-partner and myself is probably now nearing £10,000. I have also overcome unfounded safeguarding concerns against me. My ex-partner’s intention is to keep my children away from me and my intention is to co-parent.
Numerous interventions and contact sessions were ordered by a recent Court Order. My ex-partner shrewdly attended each session/intervention with the children in attendance. However she refused to enter the premises of each location on every occasion, and on each occasion ‘blamed’ the children for their ‘refusal to see me.’ My ex-partner has now breached most of these Court Orders with no legal consequences currently being placed on her. All planned interventions have since been halted to minimise the stress being placed on my children.
“The alienating parent uses the child to fill his or her unhealthy emotional needs at the expense of the other parent.”
Parental alienation is no joke. Plain and simple it is a form of child abuse. Original research found women to be the perpetrators of this abusive behaviour in 90% of reported cases. However more recent research indicates that this is no longer an accurate figure. It is difficult to know for sure the exact figures because of under-reporting, false accusations and the positive bias toward mothers that is all too common in most family courts.It is the unresolved emotional issues of the alienating parent that drives their behaviour. The alienating parent uses the child to fill his or her unhealthy emotional needs at the expense of the other parent. Such individuals that have no issue with using their children to hurt their ex-partner seem to fit the profile of the emotionally abusive disorder types such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder. The alienating parent will normally ‘play’ the victim as they emotionally bully anyone who confronts, challenges or criticises them. The alienating parent does not recognise appropriate boundaries, will not accept personal responsibility for their actions. In actual fact the alienating parent blames the alienated parent for the abhorrent behaviours they exhibit and the alienating parent will always have an excuse to justify their indefensible behaviours.
Being an alienated parent is a full-time job. Coping with the relentless behaviours of an alienating parent is a constant uphill struggle. Maintaining ones sanity when your children ‘reject’ all attempts at contact is tough work. Keeping up the motivation to regularly attend Family Court is difficult.
When an alienated parent first realises he/she is going to lose contact with their children their feelings go from disbelief and despair through to anger, confusion and sometimes and all too often depression. Above and beyond this there is an overwhelming sense of injustice. Inconsistencies in the law are all too obvious. For example a Court will refuse to put forward any legal consequences for an alienating parent that refuses to allow contact and yet can potentially send the same individual to prison for refusing to pay a parking ticket or TV licence.
To conclude, I am no longer ashamed of the false allegations against me. During times of darkness when I feel like a failure because I am simply not being allowed to parent, I force myself to remember what a great Dad I actually am.
Simply put I must carry on. I am incredibly grateful for the people around me. I am incredibly grateful for the love, compassion and overall support they give me. I am grateful for the things that are in my control and I try not to ponder too much on the things that are out of my control.
Though I can’t be with my beautiful children, I have done and will continue to do everything in my power to be a part of their lives.
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The Peace Not Pas Team