You’re Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone

Grief and the hopes and dreams that are left behind

I heard a song recently on a TV show. The song was When I’m Gone. A song with a mixed history. Better known to most as the Cup Song and featured in the 2012 film Pitch Perfect.

Hearing this song reminded me of T. I have three beautiful children and T is one of them.

I would like to tell you about T’s tenacity and enthusiasm for life.

It was several years ago now before T was a teenager. He used to love browsing on YouTube. T was always up to date with the Internet’s latest fads, trends and viral videos.

Of course, T came across the latest and highest viewed viral video at the time; the Cup Song.

T learnt how to do the Cup Song. With no mistakes. He was as good at it as any of the trendiest vloggers out there.

Learning something like the Cup Song is easily viewed as a simple enough task. But to learn something like this you need certain attributes.

To achieve aims, particularly those that need practise and focus, tenacity and enthusiasm are key tenets.

T used his tenacity for good. He used it to underpin his focus until he had learnt the song. T’s enthusiasm was a metaphorical trampoline. I viewed it as giving him a sense of enjoying the learning process.

I will always be T’s father. But for reasons beyond the control of both T and I, we currently do not have a relationship with one another. The full story is beyond the scope of this story.

It is not only the memory of Tom’s rendition of the Cup Song that prompted the writing of this story.

Music has a way of evoking not just a memory, but also providing us with a vivid sense of how we felt at that given time.

“You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.”

Now that you are gone, yes, I do miss you T. What kind of parent would not?

I have learnt some valuable lessons over the last couple of years. I also have hopes and dreams for the future.

Lessons Learnt

I have learnt that to live a fulfilling life we need to seek out a purpose.

Sometimes these purposes are snatched away from us. We may not be able to prevent this. But we can control how to respond.

We then need to seek a new purpose. Particularly if we are mourning for the sudden absence of the previous purpose or role.

We must remember that any new purpose is not a substitute. But an opportunity to explore new avenues, paths in our lives.


I hope that T’s tenacity and enthusiasm push him to maximise his positive life outcomes.


I dream that I will be witness to T exhibiting such attributes as he navigates his way through life.

When experiencing a sense of grief, for whatever reason it may be, allow yourself to grieve. And then allow yourself to grow.

Similarly put, is John Green’s quote from his 2014 novel, The Fault in Our Stars:

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”