My own hopes and dreams for the future

To my beautiful children. Regardless of whether you all currently think you love me or not. Regardless of whether you all actually miss me or not. Regardless of whether you all feel your hearts’ are broken or not. Regardless of my absence in your lives, I would like to tell you a story of one of two creatures who became my best friends.

I strongly believe they had a big part in saving my life.

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I am an alienated parent. I have now not seen my beautiful children since Summer 2016. For those of you who ask the most simple question of why, the answer is simple. The other parent of my children has effectively brainwashed our children against me. They are led to believe a false narrative of events. They are led to believe I no longer love them. They are led to believe I have rejected them all. This set of abusive behaviours is known as parental alienation. The parent who ‘facilitates’ the false narrative is known as the alienating parent. The alienating parent will effectively and actively promote false and toxic beliefs that effectively turn the affected children against the targeted parent. This set of abusive behaviours is known as parental alienation. Due to the current flawed system, there is a financial incentive for the targeting parent to increase the alienating behaviours. The less the targeted parent is ‘allowed’ by the targeting parent to have contact with the children the more child maintenance the targeting parent receives!

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Anyway, let us return to the narrative of this story.

So, to my beautiful children, this is a recent insight into my life (that you are unfortunately excluded from) that I would like to share with you.

A couple of years before the publishing of this story I adopted two dogs. One was from Romania, the other from Spain. Both were rescue dogs, taken from a life of depravity and abuse.

The latter sentence does certainly not equate to any entitlement of recognition on my part. In fact, the opposite is true. What I and my new life got from these two dogs was unbelievable. Unconditional love, devotion, attention and most valued of all, companionship, mutual trust, and friendship.

As strange as it may sound kids, these two dogs gave me something that was lacking in my inner self as an alienated parent. An inner purpose, a sense of self, a sense of responsibility.

Kids, the Spanish dog, in my opinion, had the same grace, maturity, and mannerisms of the dog Shadow in the movie Journey Home. The very movie we all used to watch numerous times together. This very dog of mine that reminded me so much of Shadow had many other endearing and cute mannerisms which I would rather tell you in person (one day I hope).

As for my Romanian companion, like his Spanish counterpart, he is unlike any dog I have ever known before. He gives hugs! My God kids, how much you would love him. He actually gives hugs, proper hugs! He places his paws on your shoulder and snuggles his head in.

So kids why am I telling you such a story about two random rescue dogs I took under my wing as part of my new life?

Allow me to explain. I know you all love animals as much as I do. As such please allow me to elaborate on my relationship with these two dogs and what I feel we all get from our connections with dogs as companions, friends, and dependents.

I do not wish to dwell on the period of my life that I am about to discuss. Suffice to say, in the recent past, I have experienced some very, very dark times. Maybe the language I am using is too grown-up should you be reading this post now. However, should you find yourself reading this story in several years time I would imagine you know what I mean by the aforementioned phrase.

So to continue kids, in such times I would be alone, feel isolated and feel hopeless. Of course, this was in the context of being an alienated parent. By the way, allow me to make this absolutely clear. None of this is your fault. I simply struggled with being denied the opportunity of being a part of your lives. As I still continue to do so now to this very day.

However in such dark times who did I depend on (be it not exclusively)? Yep, you guessed it kids, my furry four-legged friends.

Many an isolated, lonely afternoon I would unashamedly wallow in self-pity and sorrow, listen to music and cuddle up to my two furry friends.

During these dark days, these two furry friends of mine never appeared to judge me. They never appeared to ignore me. They never seemed to be fed up with providing me with love, attention, and companionship. They felt to me to have a bottomless pit of such emotions. They would greet me with such enthusiasm when I returned home. They would even display the same enthusiasm if I had only taken the rubbish out!

During some of my darkest days, I found myself listening to the song Song for Zula by Phosphorescent while cuddling and curling up next to my two furry best friends.

So what is the connection with the lyrics of this song and my two new furry friends? At the risk of repeating myself, allow me to explain.

“You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand.” In my capacity as an alienated parent, the above lyric resonated with me profoundly. Maybe one day I will have the opportunity to explain it to you in person.

However, the above lyric also resonated with me in relation to my furry Spanish friend, Buda. This song reminds me of these dark days and my furry friends beside me.

There was something special about Buda. Poor Buda had been born in a kill-station. He was severely mistreated as a young dog. He was then rescued and that’s when Buda came into my new life.

Tragically, Buda lost his life in October 2018. Following his rescue from the kill-station, he had a couple of years in an incredibly loving home, mine. And then his life was cut tragically short by an incurable disease.

Kids, all of you would have immediately fallen in love with Buda, as most people did when they met him. I feel Buda would have benefited from having you all in his life. How much I would have loved you all to have been a part of Buda’s short life. You all would have most definitely have benefited from such a friendship with Buda. I am sure Buda would have loved you all too. He was a special, loving dog.

Maybe one day you will all meet Buda’s housemate Thor. As much as you kids would have loved Buda, you would all equally love Thor. Who wouldn’t love a dog that gives hugs like a human?

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P.S. I now have another two rescue dogs as well as Thor. One called Belana from Romania, the other called Lua, who is from Spain.

As is befitting of this story of mine being included in this publication, my hopes and dreams for our future are exactly that. I have hopes and dreams of all of you being part of my future.

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The lyric from the following song resonates with me for many reasons. Reasons that I would prefer to disclose to you all, in private, one day.

“You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand” Matthew Houck (Phosphorescent), 2013.

Love, Daddy

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Originally published in Medium publication ‘Hopes & Dreams‘ 29/03/19