The following is an anonymous contribution from an alienated parent that approached us, wishing to share his experience of parental alienation. We have changed the individuals’ names in the following post.
I recently found out that I am not just John, a primary school teacher from Northern England. What it was that I recently found out was that I am also what is known as an alienated parent.
I will give a very brief synopsis of the circumstances leading up to me becoming an alienated parent.
Five years ago my marriage broke down. As is so often the case with separation following long relationships, we were both at fault. I have no issues with admitting that I made mistakes.
The divorce was incredibly acrimonious, adversarial, expensive and I was left hugely in debt. However in the grand scheme of things money is only money.
However I subsequently paid a much higher price for my acrimonious divorce than I could have ever imagined. The price I ultimately paid was the severing of my previously loving relationship with my two children, Josh aged 8 and Toby aged just 6.
Immediately after our separation my ex denied me and my whole side of the family any contact with my two sons. She also made numerous false allegations against me. Due to the allegations the Family Court did not permit me any contact with my sons until these accusations were disproved. Lo and behold four months later Cafcass, who by that time were involved, confirmed that their were no safeguarding issues regarding me and my children.
However by this time my ex had managed to effectively brainwashed my boys against me. My two loving sons were given a toxic and false version of events regarding our separation. They were told I had cheated on their mother, which I hadn’t. They were told I had left all of them and stolen the family savings, which of course I did not. They were also told toxic lies about their paternal and elderly grandparents.
Their mother, on numerous occasions has encouraged my loving boys to write to me; in what can only be described as in an extremely hateful manner to me. In these numerous letters my beautiful boys have told me they hate me. They have told me I am a really bad dad. They have also told me that I do not deserve to be their dad. They have also written to me saying that they do not want to see me anymore. In their last letter they wrote to tell me that they now have a new dad, who is so much better than me. They ended their letters by informing me that they now call their new dad, daddy.
The emotional pain such toxic messages of hatred inflicts on the heart of an alienated parent are beyond words.
I do not consider myself to be overly academic. However I consider myself to be a somewhat well-read and learned individual. As a primary school teacher I see on a daily basis the damage such emotionally abusive behaviours have on children.
The more I read about parental alienation in an attempt to understand the legal system, the remit of Cafcass and Children’s Social Services the more I am made aware of the complete and utter miscarriage of justice that is parental alienation.
I can no longer afford to legally pursue through the family court my children’s’ human rights to have a relationship with me their biological father.
Their mother has breached every single court order that either promotes or would result in contact between my children and I.
Children’s Social Services have come and gone. They do not recognise parental alienation as a form of abuse. Their findings were that all my ex and I have to do is work together! Cafcass have been involved since the very beginning. Their very own CEO tenuously states publicly that as an organisation they recognise parental alienation. However the Cafcass appointed Children’s Guardian does not feel it is in my boys’ best interest to continue to pursue contact as it runs the risk of causing more trauma to my two boys. This is despite Cafcass stating in numerous reports that “mother is exhibiting extreme alienating behaviours that will cause long term emotional harm to the children.”
All throughout my numerous telephone calls, meetings and court hearings with them I have asked Cafcass numerous questions. All of which were reasonable, proportionate and appropriate. All the questions related to my wish to understand why Cafcass are not protecting my children from harm. I am not a hot-headed man. I simply want to understand. However Cafcass have repeatedly been unable to give me sufficient answers to my questions.
So I would like to conclude this post with a question; “Cafcass, why do you not care?”
Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by parental alienation.
We will gladly signpost individuals to true professionals within our wider network who add value, deliver results and operate in line with our core principles. Contact us for more details.
We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from these professionals for any referrals made.
The Peace Not Pas Team