The Top 5 Reasons to Write

This list will shock you!


What are the top 5 reasons to write creatively? How the hell should I know?


Here’s a random stock pic of people pretending to be happy, doing something that doesn’t interest you:

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

People accuse me of having sold-out to satire by highlighting the follies of myself and others. But I would never shamelessly promote my stories.

To find out how I never do this, read my story, ‘How Many Social Media Marketers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?


Trust me when I tell you, no one likes lists.

  1. Lists are distracting
  2. Lisps are distracting
  3. Spanish is beautiful
  4. The Beautiful Mind
  5. Russell Crowe
  6. Robin Hood
  7. Robbing the Poor
  8. Pour the Wine
  9. Wine, Swimming and Song
  10. Know Your Enemy

This list poses 3 pertinent questions:

  1. The above list is mysterious in nature. Or is it?
  2. Why am I reading this shIt?
  3. What are the most frequently asked ‘why’ questions on Google?

Let’s start with question №3.

“What are the most frequently asked ‘why’ questions on Google?”

I know what you’re thinking, “Lee, as first-world citizens of a technological age, I would wager we’re asking questions like…

  1. Why is it necessary to question authority?
  2. Why is kindness important?
  3. Why do we need beliefs and values?
  4. Why are we not very good at making lists?

Trust me when I tell you, no one likes lists.

I know what you’re thinking – “Lee, why are you beginning to repeat yourself?”

Nevermind that, if I’ve learnt anything from marketers, it’s how to reproduce content, in a way that readers do not notice. Plus if I’ve learnt anything from marketers, it’s how to reproduce content, in a way that readers do not notice.

“…so, Lee, in this intellectually challenging post-modern society, what questions are we, the most highly evolved species on the planet, asking Google?”

This years top 10 ‘why’ questions searched on Google, will shock you. Although, not as shocked as I was, when I found out everyone calls me condescending. Because that’s a really big word.


Always the bridesmaid, never the bride:
№10 → Why did I get married?

A question we’ve been asking since the dawn of time:
№ 9 → Why do cats purr?

I know what you’re thinking – “Lee, surely these can’t be the most pressing questions humanity wants answered?”

Well, they are the most pressing questions humanity wants answered, and don’t call me Shirley.

Evidence of how far humankind has come:
№ 8 → Why are cats scared of cucumbers?

Critical thinking at its best:
№ 7 → Why do dogs eat grass?

The following proves our ability to reflect:
№ 6 → Why are cats afraid of cucumber?

Humanity’s insatiable thirst for Life Hacks:
№ 5 → Why should we hire you?

For the analytical thinkers out there:
№ 4 → Why is my poop green?

Every paranoid schizophrenic’s favourite line of questioning:
№ 3 → Why you always lying?

The greatest minds would be proud of our progress:
№ 2 → Why is the sky blue?

I know what you’re thinking, “Lee, what’s the number 1 ‘why’ question most searched on Google this year?”

The following question eloquently defines humanity’s quest for knowledge and understanding.

You’ll be shocked by what happens next! No, seriously, you will be utterly shocked by what happens next:

№ 1 → Why is there a leap day?

I know what you’re thinking, “Lee, this poses a list of more questions:”

  1. Where did it all go wrong?

2. How can we effectively use creative writing as a vehicle for positive social change?

5. What factors shape our core values?

6. Who let the idiots out of the play-pen to play with the grown-up toys?

9. Except for this one, are clickbait stories a thing of the past?

10. Why are we forced to learn numeracy?


Lists are for shopping. Stories are for living.

My ex-wife once made a list of all my flaws:

I don’t listen

2. Some other shit


Originally published in Medium publication The Bad Influence, 16th December 2019.