The answer will light up your life

I’m always on the lookout for stories, posts and the like that make me laugh, challenge me and teach me something new. I like my stories gritty, authentic and insightful. I actively seek out stories that inspire me. But come on, how many clickbait stories do we need online?

The other day I was reading a marketing story, clearly written by an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry. I liked the story because he wasn’t telling me shit I already know, and he wasn’t pushing his product or brand in my face. Good for him for mining his own business, although the story did go off tangent; the writer claimed coffins are going to be the next big thing in the undertaking business, that remains to be seen.

I find some of these marketing stories patronising and unchallenging. I read one the other day that said “when someone explains something of higher intellect, don’t feel inferior, feel grateful. It means more than you know,” to be honest, I didn’t get it.

Another marketing story gave me some bullshit advice on how not to say the wrong thing, how to stop getting into fights. Actually, it was good advice. Who wants some?! The writer claimed he was some kind of bigshot who had just signed a 2 year deal with General Motors. To be honest, I think he’d just bought a new car.

A couple of months ago, I was reading one of those social media influencer stories. Apart from other invaluably pointless advice, they said we should start putting chromosomes in our advertising, because sex cells. I messaged the writer and told them that whatever it was they were attempting to influence me to do, I would never do it. The writer messaged me back, offering to have sex with me. In exchange, they told me to advertise some kind of service on my blog. Of course, I declined because of my values and strong willpower. Which is just as strong as Ambrosia’s blood. It’s an amazing product that will make you look 50 years younger or no money back.

So, how many Social Media Strategists does it take to change a light bulb? One to write about how to use and apply the light bulb to your everyday life, one to disregard the lightbulb and promote something completely different, and one to ask you to subscribe to the light bulb’s email list.

How can you tell if someone works in social media?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

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Originally published in Medium publication MuddyUm, 19th November 2020.